last night before raleigh. i don't care. it falls somewhere between a chore and a homework assignment, and i haven't been much motivated about either of those things since somewhere around thanksgiving.
is this all it is? working my ass off, getting pretty, traveling, explaining things to people who don't understand and probably wouldn't do anything different if they did? and am i supposed to like it? i can't tell; no one seems to be able to explain what the whole point is. everyone can't possibly feel like this all of the time, this isn't alaska.
i don't know if this is senioritis, or wanderlust, or SADD, or what. i wish the house were clean. i wish i still lived out of a backpack. i wish that tonight there was another concert to go to. i wish my new boots were broken in. i wish i lived in a city walled in by water, steeped in the filth of the centuries, sweltering, freezing, all cold grey edges and breathing brick. i wish i could walk forever on these feet. i wish i could live on air.
some day soon, i'm gonna cut all my hair off.
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