the title of the blog entry

the bile and the stress have subsided, slightly. there's still a mountain of work, still a packed schedule full of driving and dressing and smiling and talking, but this morning it's not scary. right now it all feels do-able. granted, i'm putting off working on a couple of assignments that have looming deadlines to write about this, but that's okay too.

when i walked out the door this morning a wall of warmth and humidity hit me, and i was sweating within instants, smiling, at home. i needed coffee, and i had to drive to get it. that made me a bit sad. wished i could have just hopped on the old bike to go grab it, sit down, enjoy it and be productive. couldn't. miss living in railroad square, sometimes -- waking up at 7 because it was already 85 degrees in the warehouse loft, slumping down the makeshift wooden stairs, padding across the cool concrete floor, opening the garage door and blinking in the sunlight. those were good days. days like today when the wet in the air just pulls all of the spring smells right into your nose and softens the sounds in the distance give me such as strong sensory memory that if i closed my eyes i'd swear i was back at the lake. except the coffee at black dog is better than what i'm drinking now, and the breeze has a brighter quality than these mountain hollow wisps. it's still, and muggy, and just below 80 degrees. this weather stops time.

i hope this feeling lasts forever. i can deal with anything on days like today. maybe some of this calm is due to the fact that i have a new suit case, which really shouldn't put a dent in the stress scale, but there's something really comforting about leather heirlooms with sturdy zippers and proper handles. now i don't have to live out of the amorphous umbro-teal duffel with mysterious stains and dubious origin when i travel.  the suitcase is solid, clean, smells slightly of starch and has a fly little stripe down the front which says "i am not samsonite. i am together, but cool. look at my owner's shoes -- does this look like a cookie cutter professional to you? no. my owner is a quiet genius, composed, but stylish." i love you, suitcase. you hold everything i need you to.

2 shows tonight, to mark the middle of the cultural part of the last little while. my neck is still sore from the pogo and the dance at gogol bordello thursday night, and i don't know if i'll ever take off the new shirt i got there, and my pants are ripped in new places from all of the movement. the blisters i got in wilmington have new baby blisters underneath, my sides are sore and my driving muscles hurt.

i feel so good.